The journey

Life is a journey but journey’s turn into adventures when you find your compass.

Who is that compass that makes you laugh, love and live?  Living your life to the fullest comes through investing your time into your relationships. Many men and women put careers, friends and even possessions above the people who really matter.  Who is that person you can’t live without?  Who is that person you can’t stop talking to?  Who is that person that you can confide in without worries of judgment?  Who is that person that at three in the morning you can call and they would be ready, willing and able to help you?  True friends never stop being friends.  When answering any of these questions did your spouse come to mind?  If not, why?  Self reflection comes from understanding that your spouse is, and should always be your go-to and all other relationships are extra in your life’s adventure.  

Reflect for a minute the day you got married and looked into their eyes?  What did you feel?  Why did you feel that way?  That feeling of amazement should be how you always look at your spouse. This is the secret of how you date your spouse for life.  Love doesn’t stop because life got in the way.  Love becomes stronger because life couldn’t stop you from taking on and talking the problems out.  Together forever seems like a long time until days turn into months and months to years.  When you finally look back after years of marriage and the kids have left to live life, you will wonder how time got by so fast.

Live, love, laugh everyday because life is too short.

Are you serious?

We have all heard the saying before "It's not what you say, its how you say it", yet we fail at this every time we face conflict . A simple exchange of words can quickly change your servant heart to a vindictive heart.

In the middle of a fight your love for each other can get clouded real quick, the big picture gets blurred, you aren’t seeing clearly that the enemy is slowly creeping in like a cheetah stalking its prey carefully looking for the right moment to charge in and devour.  You don’t notice as you are busy bickering back and forth, one word away from exploding like a fire that starts in the basement without you noticing but the smoke suddenly fills your home.  You are only one spark away from destroying everything you built thus far but this fog you came across clouds your vision.  It's like trying to find an open window to take a breath of fresh air but as smoke fills the room you keep feeling your way around, keeping low without finding the way out but its only when someone from the outside breaks a door or window that the cloud of smoke quickly disappears.  Suddenly, you are free to free breathe again! 

That's how it feels in the middle of a fight, you start of by cautiously guarding what you say making sure you don't overstep your boundaries while making your point across but little by little is escalating.

Consider yourself blessed if you have someone that steps in to mediate the situation in hopes to avoid an explosion. In that case you waste time with the "he said she said"  that leads to who yells more thinks they win followed by "from now on, watch "how I will get you back", but do they? Sounds more like deception is at play versus love.  Love doesn’t keep tabs of the deeds of a servant heart, love is patient and kind, it is not selfish or boastful. 1 Cor 13

Why is it that we struggle to keep at the issue at hand when we disagree and so easily escalates? How can a simple choice of words spill over into the biggest fight in your relationship? Could it be hidden issues over something else never addressed? Things are rooted in your feelings and now you take the one shot you have to let it out? Often in the middle of a fire we can find ourselves having a bucket of water in hand but in that moment choose not to extinguish it but let the fire burn? 

How often we have been prepared, we have had the right training but in the moment of truth all that becomes irrelevant because we choose prideful vindictive and egotistical behavior instead of pausing to look at the situation again to realize we had the tools all along?

Covering each other daily in prayer and extending that covering to your home and your children while putting on the rest of your  armor is daily work, remember the enemy is out there waiting for the perfect moment to spring into action.  Eph 6:10-18

Are you serious about your marriage? Then be encouraged to try this communication exercise to help resolve conflicts.  Preparing ahead of time gives you a head start. For this to work it has to be practiced over and over again, become an expert at communicating what bothers you to your spouse so that when you find yourself in a fire you choose to pour water over letting it burn.

Communication Exercise:  

One at a time speaks without interruption

spouse one  states "When you say ____I feel_____ because_________"

spouse two paraphrase "What I am hearing is ______that you feel __________ when I say _________"

Patiently and lovingly repeat time and time again until your spouse paraphrase correctly and shows the empathy you need to make you feel that they finally understand why you feel the way you feel. Try to stick to one issue at a time clearing the air before moving to the next issue.  By doing this you will avoid letting anything be rooted in your feelings that may arise during an unrelated argument. 

A Transparent Marriage

www.atransparentmarriage.com

Holding hands through the storms

We always find it beautiful when we come across an image of an elderly couple holding hands, Why is that? How is that sweet image able to soften our hearts? Can it be because we recognize that they made it, that they are victorious? Because they were able to achieve something we only dream about but for one reason or another life happens and we don’t think we will get there? What a blessing to grow old with the person you love!

Now do me a favor, Can you close your eyes and picture yourself at eighty years old sitting on a park bench holding hands with your spouse? Hold that image for a few seconds, take a few deep breaths as your seal it in your memory. Let the image give you peace, feel love and appreciation, let that image sink deep Inside your soul and save it there.

Therefore, what God has joined together, let no one separate.” He reminds us in Mark‬ ‭10:9‬ For when the storms of life seem overwhelming, Think of the peace your felt when your recorded the image deep inside your soul. The enemy will sway you left and right, over and over again through the years, he will try to make you think you are sinking but if you are grounded on the word of God No weapon that is formed against thee shall prosper says Isaiah‬ ‭54:17‬


According to Peter we are to be “Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil, as a roaring lion, walketh about, seeking whom he may devour:” 1 Peter‬ ‭5:8‬ You must make Jesus number one in your life and remember that image of the two of you holding hands after a lifetime of memories.

You may think, How will that image sustain me? When you make God your anchor, you are sustained by declaring Jesus is your Lord and Savior, because he says in Romans 8:28 “we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.”
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Continue to hold hands through the storms of life, declare the blood of Jesus over your lives with God always at the center, seek Him every day and in the end you will bring that beautiful image to life.

A Transparent Marriage
www.atransparentmarriage.com

Don't let isolation be your default

According to Webster the definition of default is a selection made usually automatically or without active consideration due to lack of a viable alternative, another definition is in the absence of. 

The Bible teaches us that Jesus often withdrew from people and the demands of his ministry to pray and be with the Father.  It was during those isolating moments that Jesus heard from the Father and prepared for the demands before him. When storms of life sway us left and right in our marriage,  it is easy to default to isolation and hide our pain and suffering from the world leading to feeling depressed and defeated. What if  instead we used those challenging times to isolate welcoming in his presence versus isolating automatically to focus on all the bad things that are happening in our life? 

We learn in Ephesians 4:11-13 that "with God beside us and His Spirit to guide us we can navigate the waters of loneliness and come into the rest and peace that comes from giving up all efforts to satisfy my human desires giving myself entirely over to God" Be encouraged that in moments when life gets rough you have another option to select, you can choose to invite Jesus into your life and let the Father comfort, guide you and give you the wisdom to deal with the situation at hand. 

Allow Jesus to be the alternative default in the presence of conflict and just like Jesus you will hear from the Father.  Remember in Luke 11:17 we read that 'Jesus knew their thoughts and said to them:  "Any kingdom divided against itself will be ruined, and a house divided against itself will fail"  Don't give the enemy a free pass to defeat you, you don't get to confront him alone.

A Transparent Marriage
www.atransparentmarriage.com

Glory to God!

I have heard the phrase "Glory to God" many a times and just now it made me question what does that really mean to us? I believe when you say "All Glory to God" you mean "I couldn’t do this great thing without his consent, I am just a servant who comes to show his magnificent power over this situation".


You see, when an actor gets an Oscar or Grammy, when an athlete wins the Super Bowl or the World Series you hear "I want to thank God" The thing is when you hear that statement you should really be hearing The Lord make a bold statement of His power. All credit goes to him by His will and power.

Can you and I say "I give glory to God for my marriage"? That what He brought you together was to show His glory on earth by bringing two different individuals into a binding contract with Him to create life, to be the generational curse-breakers and the servants for His glory for future generations.


In whatever you do, giving glory to God is realizing He made you for a purpose. Show your spouse that you are here to serve your family, friends and community.

A Transparent Marriage
www.atransparentmarriage.com

New normal?

Get used to the "new normal".  Everyone is talking about it and spreading a tremendous amount of fear about our new normal with Covid-19 surprising us early in the year 2020 but how about we choose to say "Get used to a new reset" instead?  Enough already of dwelling on the fear that the world will never be the same and feeding into society's standards of the unseen and what's normal to them.

A definition for reset is set again or differently. How about working towards making our future better by resetting our habits, resetting our priorities, resetting our time, resetting our focus, resetting our goals. Think of how would the world look like after achieving that instead of wasting time fearing the worst by simply choosing to reset our mindset.

What if, the new normal they keep talking about turns out to be that people are kinder, there is less crime, families are closer and that relationships are healed?  So what if we may have to wear a mask for longer than we thought and learn to be extra careful as the country reopens. If you are blessed to open your eyes and take a breath each morning the possibilities are endless for the kindness you can spread each day. Be encouraged to spread kindness and hope, it does not cost a dime and it is of immense value to those around you and yourself if you open up to be the light in someone else's darkness.

In the face of crisis we have witnessed over and over how the world comes together showing love and being of service, the resilience people show is inspiring. This is a perfect time to be just that, to show the world how resilient we are and that we accomplish more if we work together in one accord. 

Be the one who joins the movement of love, hope and kindness instead of the one spreading fear of the unknown. While we don't know what three, six or twelve months looks like down the road, know one thing, if you opened your eyes this morning, you have purpose and another shot at resetting your mindset from fear to faith.

A Transparent Marriage
www.atransparentmarriage.com

Stepping stones that lead to God's miracles

There are miracles taking place all around you, but are you aware? Do you realize that Gods word says you have not because you ask not? James 4:1-2. We have the power to tap into that scripture any time we are in need of His provision in our life. God knows our hearts He knows our motives, He knows we are flawed and that we are sinners but yet his grace pours over our lives.

Faith the size of a mustard seed is sufficient to move mountains for His miracles to overflow our life, Mathew 17:20. God will allow the testing of the enemy just like He did with Job to grow us, to teach us, to mature us and to see our true heart and once that happens, He will suddenly reward us for being obedient and will spring us into a new season where the harvest is abundant.

Today, I encourage you to find some stones that lead to His miracles. Stones you ask? Yes, stones, for us stones look like this this:
Fill atmosphere with worship songs, we go to the word and remind God of His word and promises over our lives believing the miracle is ours before it comes to fruition.

We look at the enemy in the face and command Him to flee because we are covered by the blood of Jesus and He has no power, we really tell him “Get the Hell out devil and take your demons with you” and He sure does, all fear, worry and anxiety go with him.

Then as pastor Todd from Transformation Church says in His faith series “Faith finds friends” we find at least three friends, three prayer warriors to pray with us, over us and believe with us that God is the God of the impossible, He will grant us the miracle we are believing for and we surrender, completely surrender all our cares and desires to Him and only Him.

Lastly, we have go to verses of Gods promises over our life and write them down so that when the enemy attacks we pull up the verses of His promises for the battle. Being prepared will stop the fear of the enemy in its tracks. Habakkuk‬ ‭2:2-3‬ says Then the Lord replied: “Write down the revelation and make it plain on tablets so that a herald may run with it. For the revelation awaits an appointed time; it speaks of the end and will not prove false. Though it linger, wait for it; it will certainly come and will not delay.” We sit still and wait patiently for Him to work His miracles and get ready to receive and give Him all the glory.

You have not because you ask not! True Story, our test became our testimony.



A Transparent Marriage
www.atransparentmarriage.com