“Do not plow with an ox and a donkey yoked together"

 

“Do not plow with an ox and a donkey yoked together.”
‭‭Deuteronomy‬ ‭22:10‬ ‭NIV‬‬

The Principle of being equally yoked.

In today's realm of dating, whether it be man or woman, attraction plays a major role in determining who you will date.
Today’s society sees dating and having sex as a normal process of getting to know the other person.
So to be clear, dating and courtship was supposed to be about getting to know that person more than on a friendship level. So many of the best marriages that have lasted are because two people knew the ins and outs of the other person and accepted the good with the bad.  In other words, they got to know the real person.

Even years after marriage one of the most common sentences after a divorce is "I never really knew that person", "The person I dated wasn’t the person I married or they changed".  The Bible speaks of being equally yoked but I found this passage to really illustrate how God sees relationships in a marriage.

Do not plow with an ox and a donkey yoked together.”
‭‭Deuteronomy‬ ‭22:10‬ ‭NIV‬‬

How can I compare plowing with a marriage, you might ask?

Well, it’s simple. You see, when you plow or pull with all your strength, you need to be sure that the person pulling with you has the same desire and strength to get you toward your goal. In other words, the donkey next to you will never pull their weight in making your dreams turn into reality.

Next time you date someone, ask yourself, is this person the one who has the strength and perseverance to finish our common goals, or is this person a donkey?

The journey

Life is a journey, but journeys turn into adventure when you find your compass.

Who is that compass that makes you laugh, love, and live?  Living your life to the fullest comes through investing your time in your relationships. Many men and women put careers, friends, and even possessions above the people who really matter.  Who is that person you can’t live without?  Who is that person you can’t stop talking to?  Who is that person that you can confide in without worries of judgment?  Who is that person that at three in the morning you can call and they would be ready, willing, and able to help you?  True friends never stop being friends.  When answering any of these questions, did your spouse come to mind?  If not, why?  Self-reflection comes from understanding that your spouse is, and should always be, your go-to and all other relationships are extra in your life’s adventure.  

Reflect for a minute on the day you got married and looked into their eyes.  What did you feel?  Why did you feel that way?  That feeling of amazement should be how you always look at your spouse. This is the secret of how you date your spouse for life.  Love doesn’t stop because life got in the way.  Love becomes stronger because life couldn’t stop you from talking on and talking the problems out.  Together forever seems like a long time until days turn into months and months into years.  When you finally look back after years of marriage and the kids have left to live life, you will wonder how time got by so fast.

Live, love, and laugh every day because life is too short.

Is Jesus really driving my Uber?

One night, during my sleep, I was awakened and led to start praying. During that prayer, I kept seeing the word Uber. I felt the Lord telling me, "Uber is real". Coincidentally, I had heard that same day from a brother in Christ as, "the struggle is real". Yet, now God is telling me the Uber is real!

As I prayed, I saw myself calling an Uber through the app. I saw myself waiting on my car and when it arrived, saw Jesus driving the car. 

As I got in, Jesus already knew the destination.

I started to think about why an Uber and why Jesus were driving me around in an electric car.

While in the car, I realized if I say Jesus is in control is He really the driver of my life? You see, when Jesus isn’t driving your car, you have the tendency to crash into things. I dug deeper into why He was driving an electric and the charging station came to mind.  Similarly, the driver of our life could be called the church where we go for an hour or more refueling and taking time to really recharge our batteries for the following week. Being prepared to take on what ever road trip Jesus decides to take us.

Many times, we think our destination will make us happy, but it’s Jesus who truly knows what’s in our hearts to where He wants us to go. Let Jesus be your daily driver. He will always guide our moral compass i  the direction where we need to go.

“Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already arrived at my goal, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me.”

‭‭Philippians‬ ‭3:12‬ ‭NIV‬‬

The so many before's

 

Before, you were lost in the

wilderness,s there was a ticket for your voyage.

Before you lived, He died.

Before you were a leader, you were a servant.

Before you gave, you received.

Before you laughed, you cried.

Before the pain, there was laughter.

Before you were born, you had a purpose.

Before you became strong, you were weak.

Before you were found, you were lost.

Before the great commission, your name was already written in the Book of Life.

Before you knew Jesus, He knew you.

Before you sinned, He had already forgiven you.

Before there was time, there was a loving Father.

Before there was hate, there was love.

Before there was sin, there was free will.

Before there was fear, there was faith.

Nothing that you do or say is new to him; there is nothing in the past or now in the present or sometime in the future that will prevent God from waiting for you to open the door of your life to Him.

Generational Provision

Let me be the Abraham of my lineage that my children's children's do greater things than I.  That the hand of God goes forward  to my descendants. That the Holy Spirit follows my blood line everyday of their lives.

That my children follow and lead as heirs to your throne.  Father, give them insight beyond problems. Give them the love you have shown me. Give them the favor you have given me.  Give them the love you have given me, correct them as you have corrected me, and give them guidance as you have given me. Bring them favor in all circumstances. Open doors that you know they need to walk through. Let my descendants know you. Let them worship you in all they do in spirit and in deed. Let your army of angels protect them. 

I dedicate my descendants to you, Oh Lord. I give you my all. 

You planted me, you rooted me, and you watered me. I bear fruit for you, my Father. I give it away freely, for you gave me freedom. 

“I now establish my covenant with you and with your descendants after you.”

‭‭Genesis‬ ‭9:9‬ ‭NIv 

A time to pray

I pray the Holy Spirit guides us and show us his love in everything. I pray that no matter the noise of our daily life we find peace in the middle of the storm.
I pray for a ray of beauty amid ugliness.
I pray for a peace that surpasses all understanding. Father, guide us to do your mission.

Let our prayers be heard by you, our heavenly Father. 
For you know what we need before we ask it.
Father, thank you for allowing your son to be the lamb that gives us hope. Father, thank you for creating this world we live in as we see your hand with the beauty traveling our great nation.
Let our prayer open the door to coincidences, open the doors that need to be open and close the doors that needed to be closed.

For you know  what’s best even when we don’t see it at the moment
Father,  I pray for peace for the families of Ukraine. A peace in the hearts of the men of war. I pray to break the chains of addictions, ambition, and wars.

In Jesus' name, Amen

Your body is the reflection of God’s temple

“Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own.”
‭‭1 Corinthians‬ ‭6:19‬ ‭

The Bible says your body is a temple,  not your temple but God's temple.
So what exactly does that mean?
In the most practical way of looking at this, you are merely a renter staying at the temple.
Yes, unlike a renter in our world, rent isn’t due every month but daily.
So, how do you pay your rent at the temple that belongs to Gd?

You can pay it in three ways:

One way is by taking good care of it by exercising, sleeping well and eating foods that help your body as well as having the discipline to stay away from food you know is unhealthy.

The second way is to visit His temple daily by meditating on His word. Take time to reflect on His grace and blessings that each day brings and gratefully recognize all that He has done for you. If you have worries and fears, that’s the time to bring them to Him.


Last but definitely not least, His temple is a place of reflection where His word shines. Your temple should reflect His loving character in all that you do.  In practice, show the world that od, by the power of the Holy Spirit, is your moral compass. Let your character in all you do, and be the lamp in the middle of the room that people need to see.

Share your experiences, not to boast but to encourage others with the battles He helped you conquer in the past.

In the end, just be real. In a world where there is so much phoniness, being honest to who Christ called you to be is the greatest payment that you can give.

Lord, thank you for making my body the temple of your Holy Spirit. Help me take care of it as a reflection of my love for you.

Be the light

It has been said that darkness is the absence of light. I picture darkness being a cold and lonely place. People rarely gather together in the dark, maybe around a campfire that is warm and bright from the flames.   We are called to be the light to the world as Christians so I believe we are all born with a natural light, but only does it become magnified when we are seen through the magnifying lenses of Jesus. 

As believers, we are called to shine brightest in the darkest of hours.  Are you bringing light to your workplace, to your home, to your marriage, and to your children? 

“You are the light of the world. A town built on a hill cannot be hidden.”

‭‭Matthew‬ ‭5:14‬ ‭NIV

The Bible says we are called to be a town on a hill. I believe the key word is hill in that passage. Why hill you may ask? Because something so high can be seen for miles.  If you have ever been to a big city like, let’s take New York for example, New York is an imposing sight during the day, but when the sun goes down, you see how large it truly is by the lights of the skyscrapers.  Similarly, your light should bring forward not only clarity but also warmth. A warmth that surpasses all understanding at a moment of crisis, a warmth of forgiveness and understanding, and a warmth of compassion.  

Here are a few passages to meditate on:

“In the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven”

‭‭Matthew‬ ‭5:16‬ ‭NIV‬‬

“For you were once darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. Live as children of light.”

‭‭Ephesians‬ ‭5:8‬ ‭NIV‬‬

“For God, who said, 'Let light shine out of darkness,' made his light shine in our hearts to give us the light of the knowledge of God’s glory displayed in the face of Christ.”

‭‭2 Corinthians‬ ‭4:6‬ ‭NIV‬‬

A Transparent Marriage

Faith

We were at a class and the topic of discussion that came up was about faith "what does faith mean to me" to be exact.   After spending some time thinking about what faith means to me I came up with what I believe is the accurate definition of what faith is in my life.

Faith

"A peaceful and confident journey, trusting and knowing that Jesus is walking with me while God is ahead of anything that I face, whether good or bad, but either way ending with the gift of eternal li."

What would our lives really look like if we actually lived this out?  What effect will this have on your marriage? Imagine waking up each morning, opening your eyes to see Jesus right there, ready and waiting to walk out the day with you.  What would that feeling be like? Would you feel intimidated, confident, nervous, on guard, safe, loved?  How would this change your actions, behavior, and responses throughout the day? 

 I mean, we say we have faith but  we wait to encounter difficult situations to pray out to God often seeking resolve for what we go through but how about if  walk out in faith ahead of time?  Think how different our lives would be, how many setbacks  we would  avoid, how many arguments would we prevent if we actually walked out the faith we speak about, pray about and learn about.

I challenge you to start your day imagining Jesus walking beside you each day so that you can enjoy a peace that surpasses all understanding, so that you can experience a new relationship with our Father during your time here on Earth.  Psalm 121:8  says, "The Lord will watch over your coming and going both now and forevermore." Let us embrace this scripture and really believe what we say we believe, as God is already ahead of anything we can encounter.

A Transparent Marriage

Be the lighthouse

 

In today's world of modern GPS gadgets many lighthouses around the world aren’t being used for their initial intended purpose, but in many parts of the world, they still are.  During my quiet time, I kept seeing this image of a lighthouse on a beach. The funny thing is, I have a beach called Lighthouse Beach about two miles from my house and I try my best during the summer to bike there at least twice a week. The key word is try! In all my years going to the park and sitting on my favorite bench, taking a picture to show off on social media, not once did I really think about the significance of what a lighthouse is and what its purpose is.  

Lighthouses where built to be tall and imposing because the purpose is to stand in the harshest of times and still shine the light across long distances to help guide sailors to shore.

As believers, we are called to bring light to the darkness. How appropriate is that!  We are the lighthouses off the shores for people to look to. People should be able to see the reflection of Christ by how we listen and model a life of peace that surpasses all understanding.  Each one of us can be a lighthouse in our areas of expertise.  You can be a lighthouse in your home by being a spouse who reflects the love of Christ and you can be a lighthouse at your job where people will feel comfortable in sharing and listening to a different perspective from you.  Many people are lost at sea.  As Christians and we must guide them to safe waters.  So the next time you see a lighthouse, remember its purpose and yours as well.  People will always follow the light in the darkness. 

 “Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead, they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven.”

‭‭Matthew‬ ‭5:15-16‬ ‭NIV‬‬

A Transparent Marriage

Check yourself

It is so easy for us to quickly loose our temper and have a plan of attack when faced with situations where people take advantage of us and hurt us, if you are like me your mind rushes to plan out your revenge, you can see it playing out in your head to make those who hurt you pay for their actions. Then there is a minute where the Holy Spirit takes control and says Remember Jesus' teachings, the bible says to be slow to anger.

We all struggle with issues sometimes beyond our control that can escalate. As Christians, we are called to forgive, "be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger, and give no opportunity to the devil” (Ephesians 4:26–27). Although it is not always easy, we should check our attitude as well as our motives before becoming angry with others.

Paul gives us some sound advice on the appropriate approach: “Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God's wrath, for it is written: ‘It is mine to avenge; I will repay,’ says the Lord. On the contrary, ‘If your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head.’ Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good” (Romans 12:19–21).

A Transparent Marriage

Step away, choose to reflect instead

Ever had those moments when your spouse hits a nerve during a discussion that turns into an argument and quickly turns into World War Three?  We all have, and coincidentally, when you look back is sometimes hard to pinpoint where it took that shift.  All you remember is the offense and the scar left from it.  You are left with the pain of it all brewing inside, tempted to make drastic decisions.  The worst thing is the lingering feeling of having to look at your spouse in a different light because they disrespected you.  Now, having to bring that person you love down from the pedestal that you had them on is heartbreaking.  It can be very challenging to have the discipline to see it coming and choose to walk away.  At that very moment, we all have free will to engage or choose to walk away before anything has a chance to escalate, but it is not that easy!
Often times the emotional damage has a long lasting effect that sets the tone of the future of your relationship, this is where reflecting can  be a useful tool.  When you pause and reflect on the good and the bad and really take time to identify any hidden issues that can be at the root of it all,  it can be the turning point you need to move forward happy.
It is important to be aware that the emotional injury that comes with the fight can have a long-lasting effect and does open the door for future misunderstandings to escalate.  But how do you find that discipline to step away in the middle of a heated argument, especially when your spouse is the one that keeps adding fuel to the fire as you try to manage around keeping your temper in check?  Even more so, during that very moment, you may be internally fighting your own demons to keep your cool, and the other person just won't let up or even be aware of your inner struggle.  All the classes, all the training, all the sermons, all the years of preparation not to fall into the default of our sinful nature goes out the window when one person decides to cross that line.  Then what?   
You are left with a scar. If you know what is scar is, you may know that under the skin, there will be scar tissue formed during the healing process.  When God made our bodies, He created them to be able to have the ability for muscles to heal from the damage we do to them daily.  
The interesting thing about scar tissue is that when your body heals itself after an injury, that layer under the scar is never the same.  The new tissue formed is tough, and while the muscle fibers run up and down, these new fibers are like a spider web, which is good and bad.  So what does scar tissue have to do with emotional wounds?  Well, sometimes scar tissue may need attention because it begins to get so tough that we need to go to physical therapy or get a massage to loosen it up to restore mobility or range of motion to the area, but it does make that area stronger regardless.  Likewise, when our spouse crosses that line, trust is damaged, and the security of the future of your marriage is now questioned.  You must be intentional to seek the help needed to heal the relationship and ask The Holy Spirit for wisdom to help you sort things out.
One useful piece of advice is to reflect and spend time digging up those hidden issues to find a resolution and prevent future outbursts.  Finding balance in your relationship is key. Maybe your spouse comes from an upbringing where if there was a fight, it was fixed with an "I am sorry," but you are the type that sees the offense as the end of it all.  Maybe your outburst hurts them so deep emotionally that it causes them to withdraw from what they normally give day in and day out, feeding into it more and more each time it happens. It is very important to discuss with your spouse how they feel about this sort of behavior ahead of time; that way, you have an idea what their reaction stands to be ahead of time and also holds you accountable because there is a line you should not cross regardless of how upset you are.
How many fights do we have to endure before we realize that the enemy is not our spouse? The Devil is out there waiting patiently for that open door into your marriage. Why would you give him the keys to walk right in? The enemy can use anything to harm and separate you if you give him the opportunity, and we do just that more often than not.  Even more, what happens when you address the hidden issues and have prepared yourselves spiritually to fight any battles that may come your way, but one spouse falls into the trap of the enemy by reacting in the very way they promised never to do? What then?  Is there a magic recipe to prevent arguments, fights, and confrontations?  Sadly, there is not.  The Bible has plenty of scripture to tell us we will walk through the valley, and we will have to endure battles. Onee thing is for sure there He is with you!
Ultimately, you know you have free will.  You can choose whether you snap and can choose to step away before things escalate. Know that each action has its own consequences.  If you step away, you can have a peaceful discussion to find a resolution at a later time. If you choose to go toe-to-toe, you need to have a present that if you cross the line, there will be a consequence.  Choose wisely; the wrong choice may carry a price you can't afford to pay.
A Transparent Marriage

 

Are You A Servant In Your Marriage?

Being a good and faithful servant

“His master replied, ‘Well done, good and faithful servant! You have been faithful with a few things; I will put you in charge of many things. Come and share your master’s happiness!’”

‭‭Matthew‬ ‭25:23‬ niv

That passage might be one of the most famous passages in the Bible. 

Sometimes, when I’m battling myself inside I often repeat that passage. 

What does it truly mean to be a servant?  In today’s world, the word servant has a bad ring because many people confuse it with slavery.  A serving heart is where action and belief come together in doing what’s good for others. 

Every day, we have to choose to be selfish or be a servant.  As a servant of the Lord, what does it mean to serve?  In the context of marriage being a servant is to serve your spouse. 

To serve and help in any way possible, from the little things to the big things. 

‭‭You see, when you do the small things as a servant, the big things will come easily. 

It’s making your servant heart line up with your actions.  Serving to me is being attentive to our spouses needs.  From helping with kids, laundry, or making dinner if she running late from work. 

I will admit that at times, as a mom, I want to focus on relaxing after a long day, yet I notice my wife sometimes doesn’t have that luxury because she feels the need to cook and clean the minute she walks through the door, even though she just worked all day. In those moments, I find my heart tugging at me to make sure that doesn’t happen, so I take a quick walk around the house to see if anything is out of place before she gets home.

Husbands and wives, remember we all play a  part in being a partner. When one falls short the other should be able to pick up the slack.  Love is a wonderful thing if you see your spouse from the perspective of a godly servant, in return you are investing in your marriage to have  a lifetime of peace and happiness.

God bless you and your Marriag.e 

A Transparent Marriage

You can't heal if you can't reveal

We read in the Bible about walking through the valley and fighting battles and we are also assured that Jesus is with us every step of the way.   If we know Jesus walks with us through the storms we face in this lifetime, we also understand that they have a pruning effect on us.  Through struggles, we learn how much we need Jesus.  What if we change our perspective and learn to fall in love with our struggle instead of dwelling on how bad the situation looks to the human eye?  If we identify that the enemy is attacking us because we matter,  we can own the power of our struggle!

Pastor Michael Bulkley from Kingdom Life Church in Milford, Ct said it best during one of his many sermons in 2017  "Not all truths are meant to be shared with everybody but they are meant to be shared with somebody.  If you keep your stuff, it can never be used to help someone else".  So many marriages end in divorce because they simply faced struggles alone.  They spend years putting on a mask, keeping up with the Jones' while behind closed doors their marriage was dying more and more each day.  How many of these marriages could have been saved if they had just trusted someone enough to help them sort out the issues before they became so unbearable, ending in divorce? It is no different than someone who seeks professional help for anxiety; you sit with a professional, discuss your triggers, and they send you home with coping skills or, if needed, some medications to take the edge off.   Why is it so hard for us to find help to save our marriage when there are thousands of tools to help us to prevent it from ending in divorce?  

One common factor is the lack of transparency fueled by pride.  We get married, post on social media portraying a perfect family, and refuse to admit to anyone when we are hurting because we either have too much pride to ask for help or are too concerned about what others think of us.  This is exactly where the enemy wants you, alone and isolated.  Instead, if we learn to surrender, making ourselves vulnerable enough to share our struggles with others and choose to go to God for wisdom, He extends a grace and a freedom that helps you grow and understand that there is power in your struggle.  Your struggle is not for you, it is to help others get free and to give God the glory.  When you share your story, it opens the door for God to move and help others, but you have to keep your motives in check.  Ask yourself, are you trying to belittle your spouse or are you truly seeking to repair your marriage by defeating the enemy to grow stronger together?

Know that struggles never end for believers.  When you choose to give God the glory over everything you endure, He will put the right people in place to lift you up, the right people for you to confide in, nd will walk with you through the struggles.  Find your tribe; ask God to reveal those people who truly need to be in your inner circle and those who don't belong. Not everyone deserves your trust; ask God for discernment to see who is genuine. If you want our testimony to be a blessing for others, you have to allow your transparent brokenness to be used by God.   Be encouraged to pray for God to cover your marriage and submit to the Holy Spirit and each other every day, and you will surely experience a peace that surpasses all understanding.

For when I am weak, then I am strong 2 Corinthians 12:10

How do you see yourself?

If you are like most married christian couples growing old together, you go about your days patiently working anticipating one day to retire to finally enjoy time freedom, travel, focus on ministry and enjoy family.  You have seen the memes "Retirement at 67, Life Expectancy 78, Work 50 years to maybe enjoy 11" Start enjoying now, no one is guaranteed tomorrow!

What we are guaranteed is eternal life if we accept Jesus Christ as our Lord and Savior. John 3:16 teaches us that God gave His one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. We also read in 1 Corinthians 6:19 that our bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God.  You are not your own.  

What would happen if we took these scriptures and really applied them to our daily living?  Our bodies are the temples of the Holy Spirit; that is all of it: your muscles,  bones, and mind.  But often, we wait until it is too late to attempt to take care of it. We live life eating unhealthy, not exercising, and not feeding our minds with useful material to help us take care of it to enjoy those retirement years and actually have that time freedom we long for. The trips we aspire to take, the ministries dear to our hearts we want to volunteer I, and time with our families end up taking a backseat as a result of how we took care of our bodies during our younger years.  More often than nnotwe end up spending those years dealing with ailments or injuries that become a burden to ourselves and those around us.   We see examples of this all around us and in our own families.  Why is it so hard to take care of our bodies so that we can enjoy the life we long to as we age? 

God designed our bodies to teach us about His care, be encouraged to see your bodies at the temple of the Holy Spirit.  Be attentive to His leading and warnings over the years to take care of it and you will sure  benefit from a healthier life here on Earth in the meantime.

A Transparent Marriage

Stop Normalizing Toxic Behavior

Ephesians 6:11  Put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the schemes of the devil.

All of us have memories of watching family or friends in a relationship and witnessing how they attempted to kill each other at one point or another while calling this type of behavior love.  Some of these stories serve as good gossip here and there during family gatherings; when you look at the big picture, these families have normalized toxic behavior in front of their children. This type of example then becomes the norm for the,m and the cycle continues because that is what they saw modeled in front of them a, nd to some degree becomes normal behavior.

Changing relationship dynamics as you grow spiritually is tough and takes a whole lot of time and a whole lot of discipline. It's easier to focus on the pain and challenges than to keep your eyes fixed on Jesus, especially because Satan is crawling around looking for an open door into your life in an attempt to continue to rob your peace. His game is always the same: find you without your armor and attack to keep you from breaking a generational curse.  He has got plenty to keep you busy with, if you let him! 

Remember, you must eat the sin, not the sinner.  The first step to keep the enemy at bay is taking his power away, letting him know that you are aware that it is him you are fighting and not your spouse.  These battles are won together as ONE!  Join forces with your spouse, sit, and have these difficult talks ahead of time.  It is a matter of having a plan of action to identify the attack and commanding the enemy to flee because he has no power. One way to get started is to set your atmosphere, invite the Holy Spirit in, and just worship.  Satan cannot enter your home once you create a space of praise and worship. You and you alone have authority against his plot to divide your family.

A Transparent Marriage

The What If's that can save your marriage

So many people can avoid marriage counseling and even divorce if they talk about the "What ifs" during the dating period so They know exactly how their significant other will react in any given situation, so they won’t be caught by surprise.

Here are some topics of conversation my wife and I discussed before we got married. Be encouraged, as these questions might help you start a conversation you might be afraid to start.

Who will pay the bills? 

Will we have one bank account or separate accounts? 

How is your credit score? If ba, why? 

What is your parenting style? 

Do you have any traumas from your family? 

What religion do you believe in?

What beliefs will you instill in our kids?

What are your sexual expectations? 

What are your expectations in having a partner? 

What are your financial expectations? 

Are there any generational curses that you’re aware of and don’t want to repeat?

What are your family's health issues?

What are your dreams?

Do you have a bucket list?

Where do you want to live?

What is your dream home? 

What is your dream career? 

What are your political views? 

What is your discipline style when it comes to our future children?

You would be surprised how many people don’t ask some of  these important questions during dating only to find out after they get married that this person who they thought they knew, is actually a totally different person. 

I believe that just asking the right questions and being honest with yourself and your significant other will save you years of pain and even divorce. So, for people who are dating and thinking of marriage ask away.  For the married couples, it is not too late to  ask and get to know your spouse a little better each day in a productive manner, so as not to end your marriage sitting across from each other at a divorce table.

A Transparent Marriage

Riches are in the niches, Invest in your marriage

I heard the phrase "Riches are in the niches," and it spoke to me in a way that made me go down the rabbit hole of deep thought. 

I searched and came across this definition of niche: “Any small, specialized market”.  If you think about it, our lives have so many different markets: from a spouse to a job and to our children.

 

Each of us compartmentalizes our daily activities so much that we create niches.   So, are the rich truly in the niches?  Yes, if you invest in the right niche.  I believe the place you will get the greatest return on your time is investing in your marriage. I honestly believe God ordained a specific way we are to treat our spouses. I also believe that by modeling a peaceful and loving family that you create a mold for your children to follow for generations to come. 

It’s the little things that don’t cost anything like the  undivided attention  you give them and taping into your  imagination and creativity to create memories. Do practical things each day to make your spouse and your children happy. Take the time out of your crazy day and send a text to say I love you or better yet a simple phone call to hear their voice. 

Have date nights with your spouse!  Go try new restaurants, go to the  movies or a  comedy show.  Go dancing or volunteer,  all these activities  bring you closer to align a purposeful marriage.

Be creative!  Turn a dog walk into a picnic. Turn errands into an ice cream stop.  Surprise your spouse with lunch. Attention to your spouse in even the smallest things creates memories and feelings that are hard to forget, especially when you have bumps in the road, which every marriage does.

If you make a mistake, own it and take responsibility by saying “I’m sorry” but not an I’m sorry to end the argument but one of truly feeling the otherperson'sn side.  Your marriage is your richest niche. Make sure to pray and meditate daily on all the blessings the Lord has given to you but especially for the partner the Lord has granted you. 

A Transparent Marriage

In His Presence

You are right where God wants you to be, In His presence!  Sometimes you rush to get your day started and others you lay in bed in awe of the miracle of just being able to open your eyes and breathe.

Regardless of what your day looks like, you can rest find peace knowing that Jesus always walks beside you, not only in moments of despair but as you awake and sit quietly drinking your coffee or as you take it on the road with you, He is with you always, whether we realize it or not He is right there living through your.  The Bible says, "The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; He will never leave you nor forsake you.  Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged" Deuteronomy 31:8

He will have a random stranger speak into you and use you to speak His word into someone else, just like that! He will be your peace in times of chaos and your joy in times of despair. He will gift you a calmness that truly surpasses even your own understanding. 

We are saved and treasured by a God that is with us every moment of the day, even in those dark hours when even thinking about it fills us with shame, fear, or feeling unworthy of His love and mercy.  Every day we live another life lesson, but be assured the struggles you face are the rope that pulls someone else to freedom.  Your test is the testimony that will help set others free; embrace it!  When you share your testimony, you break free from the enemy's plan to keep you quiet, that plan to attack your mind over and over again, causing shame and fear to paralyze you. 

Tomorrow,  be intentional when you open your eyes and say "Lord, I invite you to be with me this day, to guide me, protect me and give me the wisdom I need to own this day as I welcome you to live through me; allow me to be your eyes, hands and feet throughout the day.

It is amazing how God can take one day and transform your life if you are willing to invite Him to be the center of it.

A Transparent Marriage

Learning Patience from Jesus

"Patience is a virtue" has been a famous quote for centuries. In the Webster Dictionary, the definition of patience is bearing pains or trials calmly or without complaint.

In the lives we all live, it seems more important than ever to have patience.

Being patient has been an ongoing struggle since childhood for me. If you are anything like me:

You find confrontation, rudeness, and even stupid remarks more often than not test your patience. Yet,  the patience I lose is human patience, which has a limit because it’s something I think I can control. 

Looking at the example Jesus left is what we as Christians should seek, that Christ-like patience. The one that surpasses all understanding. 

The patience of forgiveness. 

The patience of love. 

The patience of sharing.

Each one is a reflection of what our Lord has called us to be.

Jesus bore His trials calmly without complaints knowing that we of future generations would look to Him for guidance and inspiration. Our Lord was tested by the scholars of His time yet He showed a patience of knowledge as to keep them dumbfounded.

He showed that same knowledge to the woman at the well. As she spoke in half truths only to realize He spoke with love. He showed the same patience when the adulterous wife was about to be stoned saying "He who is without sin cast the first stone". Jesus showed His Godly patience and mercy to the point the men dropped the stones.

Amid your situation, when anger starts to take hold, think of how Jesus showed us the ultimate patience by dying to give us all a second chance. That is the Christ-like patience we as Christians should show this world of chaos.

Wasted Potential

A few months back, my mom had to go to South America to take care of some things with family. Before she left, she called the internet company and told them to suspend the internet because she would be out of the country, and she could save about 50 dollars a month. The first month she was aw, ay she got an email from Tesla saying there was an error with the solar panels, but she dismissed it. Every month for the next 5 months, she received the same email.
When she got back she called them and asked what was the issue,  they said without internet or wi-fi all that energy collected from the solar panels was wasted because they couldn’t send it to the grid.

I thought about that as I felt the Holy Spirit wake me one morning saying, Look at the situation and meditate on what happened". So I started looking at the sun and the solar panels, and it came to me that the sun was God the father and God the son. We are the solar panels, and the internet or wi-fi is the Holy Spirit. Then it got really deep; for five months, the blessings of grace and mercy were poured onto the panels, but the panels didn’t pass that on because the Holy Spirit wasn’t there.  In other words, the wi-fi is what was needed to pass that onto the grid.

I said to myself, "Wow, that was deep." Then I heard the Holy Spirit say, "Aren’t you sad about this"?  Why, I asked? He said that five months of blessings were wasted simply because it was not connected. Two words came to mmindWasted Potential. You see, if you are not passing on the things the Lord has given you, you are just like a piece of black glass on a roof with no purpose, but when you are connected to the Holy Spirit, you are to go on and fulfill the purpose you were designed for.

What potential are you wasting today by not connecting to the Holy Spirit?

W.O

To Hell With This

When you are sharing your life with another person, it can be easy to face situations where you feel like you want to throw in the towel and even assume an attitude of " Who cares what other people think and say "To hell with this".  Yes, "to hell with this" we often say when something as simple as you getting fed up or easily irritated with some of your spouse's habits that early on you found adorable, but while sharing your life with them now makes you want to pull your hair out.  It can be more serious than adultery, lies, emotional abuse, drug abuse, or physical abuse.  A lot of you have said "to hell with this" at one time or another because that is just the answer that fills that hunger quicker in your marriage at the time versus taking it to God!

  

Imagine if we approached each argument and said, Toto, God, I go with this?  To God I go with this lustful thought, I go with this pornography, to God I go with this filthy mouth, I go with this affair, to God I go with my finances, to God I go with this anxiety, to God I go with this generational curse, to God I go with this business, to God I go with my children, to God I go with my spouse.

We are all sinners; there is no doubt about that.  Marriage doesn't come with lifetime guarantees; the enemy knows that.   The enemy also knows that God's plan for marriage is to display God's glory to all of creation.  In Ephesians 5:25, we get a glimpse of what a husband's love should look like, and it's none other than a reflection of Christ. Love your wife as Christ loved the church.  There aren't enough words to describe how great that love is!  In Ephesians 5:24, it calls for wives to submit to their husbands in everything., This is perfect if your husband is submitted to living a Godly life, but what if he is not? Therefore, it leaves you with the option of   "to hell with this" as an easier way out than going to God for answers.  

The Bible is clear in God's design for marriage and we learn as Christians that we need to be fully equipped to fight the battles that we are faced with. The enemy is  prowling around waiting for the perfect opportunity to come steal and destroy. Your job is to put the armor on every day. Ephesians 6:11.

Be encouraged to equip yourselves with scripture, prayer and worship daily, anticipate that the enemy wants to  use your shortcomings to divide you. He is the real  enemy you need to fight together and send him back to the hell he belongs to,  choose to take it to God over and over again.  That is how you win in marriage!

Are you really trusting him?

Are you really trusting him with your marriage, children, finances, and other relationships? Do you see God as something out there somewhere in heaven, or do you truly see him as the God of provision with whom you may develop a real relationship?

The reality is that most people will die, and God will have always been a stranger - even for people raised up in the church or to those who convinced themselves they believed in Him but never took the next step.  When we are open to creating an intimate relationship with God, our life continues to change in this pursuit.  A true relationship with him means confiding in him when it comes to even what appears as nothing worth discussing. These talks range from every decision you make, like a simple purchase, job offer, friend in your life, business deal, or even raising children. You are God's child and friend. Nothing you could ever do will separate you from His love due to His grace.  Regardless of how many times we think our sins and behaviors push us away from Him, His love for us will never end; it is unconditional. He is there to walk with us through our valleys and storms. He is our strength when we are weak and our provider in times of need. When allowed, He will be there to listen patiently and reveal His desires for our lives, all in due time. 

God asks of us one thing- to take a step of faith. All He wants is for us to give Him a chance. God is perfect and there is not a single thing about you that he doesn't already know and accept. He loves you, all of you and just wants to accompany you in fulfilling every single need in your life. All He asks is that you allow him be console you during your heartbreak, pain or struggle. 

When you get a taste of the love God has for you, it is only then that you accept nothing less. You will reach a point of understanding that no one can ever love you in such a way- not your spouse, your children or your parents. Put Him first and you will see the dynamic of all your relationships shift due to His perfect plan.

 

Remember, your life is a reflection of God's love, He want to bless your marriage but you have to give him access first. God is not invasive. God is not that person that will invalidate your feelings or criticize you for making certain decisions as if you should have known better. God is just that friend that picks up the call at 2pm or 2am and listens.

A Transparent Marriage

www.atransparentmarriage.com

See beyond the religion

Are you seeing your marriage beyond the religion? When disagreements come into your marriage, are you walking the walk and talking the talk of love?

To most religion means strict rules, black and white, right and wrong. Jesus didn’t come for the religious person,  those people are self deceived. He came to bring love and faith to people that turned away from religion because of the hypocrisy that was seen. He came to show a compassion and a mercy that  married couples should show each other.

In this time of spending so many hours together, are you able to share ideas without being in competition?  If there is competition within your own team then really you have no team. Marriage is God and us showing the world our love. We are one body, one flesh,one team.  In this why don't you reflect on what have been your past underlying issues and speak about about it.

Was it a generational curse? Was it a misunderstanding?  Was it a point of view that wasn’t given validation?  Remember your vows and why they were special that day.

Marriage is a covenant in which you and your wife fall under the authority of God to be in your marriage.  

Remind each other every day that God planned your marriage, and you will see many issues fall by the wayside. Learn from the story of Josep., Right now, you may be in the pit, but the palace is coming; your names are in rooms that you have never been in.  Allow room for transparency and vulnerability in your marriage, and God will honor that.  We are not called to be perfect; that was Jesus's job. We are sinners saved by his grace.  Wake up each day with continued faith that he will guide you through the valley.  He is always working and will continue to work in your life if you allow him.

A Transparent Marriage

www.atransparentmarriage.com

Bite your tongue

You know the saying "bite your tongue"? My God, just thinking of it hurts. Ouch, those times when somehow your tongue gets all twisted up, and you bite it by accident? How about the times that you bite it so hard that you actually make it bleed? Then, it takes forever to heal because the environment in your mouth is always moist. Isn't this similar to when you are faced with a situation in which you have to stay quiet and not explode in anger? It hurts and irks your nerves just as much when you choose to stay quiet in a situation where your temper is tested. Somehow, you start fighting an internal battle justifying the reason why you should or shouldn't.


Like an actual tongue bite, it is painful to stay quiet when deep inside you are ready to go blow for blow, your adrenaline starts pumping, your heart is raising, and you are ready for the moment to let loose and get it all out. You want to let them have it, and in some cases, you have every right to be upset;t, we are human. Even Jesus got angry and turned tables when He arrived at the temple. The problem with anger is that you can end up saying things that can hurt you as well because unlike Jesus, we are not perfect and we will face times where our emotions get the best of us and its not so easy to bite your tongue and you may say things that you later regret causing pain and changing the environment around you as a result. Maybe it may not seem like it at the moment, but the future of your relationship can change as a result of one blowout. Your reaction to conflict can dictate how blessings flow into your life.

In the Bible, there are a total of 126 verses about the tongue from 34 books, so clearly, y God wants us to take it seriously. Can one really learn how to bite your tongue? Is that even a thing? A few particular scriptures like n Proverbs 18:21 says "Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat it's fruits" and in Proverbs 21:23 it says "whoever keeps his mouth and his tongue keeps himself out of trouble" in Psalm 141:3 it says set a guard, O Lord, over my mouth keep watch over the door of my lips!

So, in short, ay for the strength, you can bite your tongue when you are tempted to react, and blessings will surely overflow your life as a result. Remember how much it hurts when you actually bite your tongue, how long it takes to heal. We read in Psalm 52:2, "Your tongue plots destruction, like a sharp razor, you worker of deceit."Take this into consideration: your words have the power to grow or to destroy a relationship. Be encouraged by Exodus 14:14: "The Lord will fight for you, and you only have to be silent".


A Transparent Marriage
www.atransparentmarriage.com